The Star Child and the Waitress
by Chunk127
Summary: When Lana marries Lex Clark drinks too much and woke up married to a waitress.


True Blood- Season 2 AU

Smallville- Post promise (But Lana was never black mailed into marriage.)

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><p>Clark woke up in a daze and with a splitting headache. How did this one happen? OK think Kent what is the last thing you remember. I was trying to drink myself to death in a dive in Louisiana. Wait a minute this was a hangover. How did he even get drunk let alone a hangover? He once emptied a beer truck in a single night and crushed it on his forehead in his Kal days. Kal, the red ring, Clark is quickly looking through his fingers but there is no sign of the red ring, there is however another ring did he? No, Lex married Lana that is why he was drinking in the first place. Clark was so wrapped up in thought he didn't even notice the girl asleep on his chest the waitress from last night. A naked girl asleep on his chest and he was naked too. He had sex? Clark didn't even think he could since all girls were like toothpicks to him. Now to add to the situation the girl is coming to think Kent you need her name. Snooki, Spooky, Uh what was wrong with this girl's parents. Clark looks over and sees the marriage certificate. Bad news is he's actually married good news is he now knows that his new wife's name is Sookie. He's still wondering what was wrong with her parents.<p>

Sookie woke up in a daze and a splitting headache. What happened last night? She got her eyes to focus and saw she fell asleep on a man's chest but why wasn't she cold? Bill's body being dead usually took her body heat and cooled her down whoever this guy is he's warming her up. She slept with a human? No way would she let one get so close to her not with her telepathy she'd have to work 24-7 to keep his disgusting thoughts out of her head. She looks up and sees the man from Merlotte's that drank half the bar. Not bad, well toned, curly black hair and a beautiful face. Oh fudge what is that on her finger. What did they do last night? They drank a bit and she talked him into throwing a drug away, but that's all she remembers.

Sookie rolled off Clark and wrapped herself in a sheet. "Hey."

"Hey." Clark answered back not really knowing what to say but can't take his eyes off the blond girl she's cute she's short and has long blond hair longer than Chloe's. Smooth skin and perky- mind out of the gutter Kent.

Sookie is trying to listen in on his thoughts but is drawing a blank. Nothing not a whisper is he a vampire. "I can't hear you."

"Hey" Clark shouted.

Sookie is now rubbing her ears from Clark's shout she should have been more careful in her wording. "That's not what I meant."

Clark just stared at her confused Metropolis, Smallville, the Antarctic, and now Louisiana it doesn't matter where he goes weirdness just follows him around.

"So you have a power." Clark said. Of course she did every girl except Lana and Chloe did. Well Lana now that Chloe is apparently meteor infected.

"Usually I can hear people's thoughts but I can't hear yours." Sookie answered. "And you are way too warm to be a vampire…god I don't even know your name."

'Why can't I ever meet a nice dumb blond?' Clark thought to himself. 'Chloe Alicia, and now this Sookie I probably have to tell her now. I ever find the person who started the rumor that blonds are dumb I'm throwing him into the sun.'

"It's Clark and your Sookie right?"

"Did you take advantage of me?" Sookie asked startled at how much this Clark knew.

Even with his speed Clark stuttered a bit before he got out "Wha-, no, I read this." Clark handed her the marriage certificate.

Sookie's eyes bugged out from the marriage certificate. Why couldn't he just be a really rich tourist that just gave her the ring? Oh Bill is going to kill her; no wait odds are he's going to kill him. They really need to sit down and talk this through but not wrapped in nothing but bed sheets.

"Clark we need to talk about this and figure it out maybe over breakfast though and not." Sookie looks down at herself.

Clark quickly catches on and starts looking around the floor for his clothes. He finds a pair of boxers and his jeans but that's it everything else must be somewhere else in the house. Clark wraps himself in a blanket, collects the clothes he has, and leaves the room. In a blur he puts on the clothes he has and searches for everything else. At the top of the steps he sees a skimpy pair of shorts along with a white T-shirt at the bottom of the steps.

He knows that these were the clothes Sookie wore last night so his brain wasn't completely fried. Well he found her clothes but where are the rest of his. Suddenly his vision turned blue, new power no he took his blue shirt off his head.

"You bite my friend again."

Clark put on his shirt and looked at a new girl she had the look like she was seriously pissed off at the world or at the very least him.

"I bit her last night?" Clark asked.

"Oh don't fucking play inno" The girl stopped and looked at Clark "you're not Vampire Bill."

"No, I'm Clark Kent." He puts out his right hand to make sure she doesn't see what is on the left.

"Tara Thornton" She shakes his hand then puts her hand on his heart.

"What are you doing?" Clark asked.

"Just checking something." Tara is overjoyed when she starts feeling his heart beat. "Shit I like you better then the last guy already. Just tell her I stopped by." Tara says before leaving through the front door. "By the way your jacket is out here."

"Yeah I'll get it later." Clark replied.

"Who was that?" Sookie asked coming down the stairs in a white t shirt and pink pajama bottoms.

"Your friend Tara." Clark answered.

Sookie's face lit up in horror. "Oh lord you didn't tell that we're."

Clark just smiled and got out. "I didn't say a word Sookie I figured that was a conversation for the two of you or three of us you know what I mean."

"Yeah I know." Sookie laughed. "So do you remember anything about last night?"

"I remember coming to a bar, drinking a lot, meeting you, and well that's it." Clark answered. "What do you have?"

"Well the bar was Merloette's and you weren't kidding about drinking a lot. Sam had me talk to you because you drank half the bar, and he was worried how much more you could take. And yes we did meet, but let's save this for after breakfast."

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><p>Breakfast was simple and consisted of the things you use to fight a hangover and stay awake. Sookie made scrambled eggs and coffee and Clark toasted some Eggo waffles and got Gatorade from the fridge. Standard breakfast but useful for fighting a hangover as Lois had taught him not that he thought he'd ever actually use it. Clark had opened the Gatorade and got a stern look from Sookie.<p>

"Excuse me were you raised on a farm?" She asked.

"Actually yes and I don't know where the glasses are." Clark answered.

"Top shelf. So how old are you anyway?"

"20 how old are you."

'I barely dodged sleeping with a teenager.' She chastised herself. "25"

Clark poured them each a glass and cup of coffee as they sat down. Sookie continued with what she knew.

"Well anyway after you left without putting up a fight to everyone's shock I found you outside opening and closing a jewelry box."

The red kryptonite Clark quickly realizes as Sookie continues the story. "You told me that it was like a drug to dull the pain. We talked for a while and I convinced you to throw it away and I took you in for a couple more drinks when you told me about Lex and Lana. I even had a few drinks with you. Still doesn't come close to explaining this though." Sookie says holding the marriage certificate in her hand "Or this morning."

"About that I didn't hurt you did I?" Clark asked.

"No, except for the usual ache a girl's muscles get." Sookie answered from the scattered bits of memory it was great and he didn't even have to bite her. "So that's superhuman strength I can add to the list."

"What list?" Clark asked nervously he didn't show off in front of her did he? You know what even if it doesn't usually affect him he swears he is never drinking again.

"The what you can do list." Sookie said with a smile. "So far I have it as unreadable to me and superhuman strength because of how scared you were that you had hurt me."

"Sookie" Clark said in a somber tone.

"I know you don't want to tell me." Sookie said. "I just want to know if it's good or bad."

Clark could accept that he had to at this point. "It's good, I usually help people. However it will be very bad if the wrong people find out."

"How bad?"

"I will be put on a table as a lab rat for the rest of my life. And that's the best case scenario."

"So you're not human." Sookie said.

Clark put his arms up in frustration. "I knew you wouldn't let it be."

"Statement not a question" Sookie said "Besides I knew you weren't human the second I couldn't hear your thoughts. I'd say vampire but you're not burning."

"You know a vampire?" Clark asked. He watched the great reveal but hasn't seen anything except krypto Buffy.

"Several actually there is a bar if you're interested." Sookie said.

"Thanks but I think I have enough on my plate right now." Clark joked. "So do you want to see Andy Bellefleur today?"

"Why would I ever want to see him by choice?" Sookie asked.

Clark holds up the marriage certificate. "He was the one who married us."

"Oh fudge." Sookie muttered. Why doesn't she just swear like a normal person Clark thinks he even uses more profanities then her. Sookie cooked up a plan. "We'll go to Merlotte's he's always there in the afternoon. So what can you do?"

"You said." Clark was frustrated.

"I said I wouldn't ask what you are. I'm asking what you can do."

Clark looks over Sookie. "You're not going to stop till you know are you."

"You can tell me when your ready I just don't think married people should have secrets is all." She joked.

Clark couldn't help but laugh at her joke. "You'll be in danger if I tell you." Clark warned.

"I'm usually in danger anyway." Sookie said. "Long story"

"Well let's start with the basics before we move on to the more destructive things." Clark said. In a blur he was out the front door and returned with a loaf of bread. "Superspeed"

Sookie just gives him a mock not impressed look. "Seen it"

Clark takes a couple pieces of bread and uses his heat vision to make toast.

Sookie just looks on. "Ok didn't see that before."

"I also have X-ray vision have no idea how to show you that though." Clark admitted.

"What color underwear am I wearing?" Sookie asked.

Clark's eyes bugged out and he blushed earning him a round of laughter from Sookie. Clark takes a quick look. "Pink"

Sookie cracks a smile. "I knew you were bluffing."

Clark looks again this time longer. "My bad white panties with a pink rose."

Sookie instantly stops and blushes herself. How can any one person do all this? Does it matter so he can do all this? She can read anyone's mind except him and people who don't have heartbeats. He's just special like her.

"I'll show you the rest outside." Clark says buttering one of the pieces of toast he's made.

20 minutes later they are outside and as Clark promised the demonstrations continued. Superbreath was easy enough he just blew the clouds away. As for superstrength they looked around to see that it was all clear then Clark lifted her car like a Tonka toy. All capped off by showing her his invulnerability by letting her shoot him in his bare chest with her Gram's shotgun.

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><p>Soon enough the afternoon came and they arrived back at Merlotte's the place they met and everything went blurry. Clark looked around and it wasn't the dive he remembered it being last night. He looked and saw 2 people wearing outfits similar to Sookie a redhead and a blond. Her friend Tara working behind the bar. An older man with a beard trying to cook behind the bar, and another man walking up to them that Clark swears is sniffing the air around him.<p>

"You know you had the day off today you come in tonight." Sam said.

"Yeah I know it's just been an interesting day, has Andy come in?" Sookie asked.

"Yeah couple tables over there." Sam pointed him out.

"Thanks." She starts to walk over.

"Can I at least meet the new guy in your life?"

"Clark Kent this is Sam Merlotte my boss."

The two shook hands the rings hidden in Sookie and Clark's pockets.

"Are you going to drink all my alcohol again Clark." Sam joked.

"After last night I might never drink again." Clark replied.

With that the two were over to Andy's table and oblivious to the death glare Clark was getting from Sam but Tara wasn't.

"Down boy" Tara warned "We all know you carry a big one for Sookie but at least this one's still alive."

"Don't mean he's human." Sam said.

"What do you mean?" Tara asked.

"No one can drink how much he drank last night and still be standing today." Sam said also his scent is completely different to anything he's smelled including Maryann but he's not telling Tara that.

Sookie and Clark make their way over to Andy's booth.

"Mr. and Mrs. Kent what can I do for you today."

"Ah it's true?" Sookie asked. "I thought something like this could only happen in Las Vegas."

"Why would you marry 2 drunken people?" Clark asked.

"You looked pretty damn sober last night Mr. Kent." Andy answered.

"How did you even marry us I thought you had to be a judge or something holy?" Sookie asked.

"5minuteministerdotcom you'd be amazed what you can do with the internet these days." Andy explained.

Clark is flashing back to his wedding in Vegas. He rushed Alicia straight back to the honeymoon suite because he knew that one old woman on the piano would have voided the marriage due to lack of witnesses which it did. "Who were the witnesses?"

"Arlene Fowler and my cousin Terry."

"You let Arlene be a witness at the wedding?" Sookie asked appauled.

"She has two eyes like everyone else." Andy defended himself.

"Arlene would see me married to a dog as long as it had a heartbeat." Sookie said in anger. Clark was about to say something before Sookie shot up "Terry, Arlene get over here."

The cook in the back, and one of the waitresses made their way over.

Clark just looks at Sookie and sees the frustration on her face. "Is there a reason you two signed off on this" Sookie asked pulling out her wedding ring.

"Hey you said if we wouldn't sign off on it you'd just get two people who would. We just figured someone you knew should be at your wedding sweetie." Arlene defended herself.

"And the fact that both of us were drunk didn't matter to either of you?" Sookie asked.

"Neither of you were drunk we gave you and Clark the say the alphabet backwards and several other things that came to our minds." Terry said.

"What's going on here?" Arlene asked.

"We barely remember meeting last night let alone getting married." Sookie said.

"Maybe Vampire Bill glamoured it out of your heads." Arlene offered.

"He can't do that to me." Sookie said.

"Besides Clark here would be drained dry." Terry added

Sookie would ordinarily agree but if a shotgun shell didn't get through Clark at point blank she doubts a pair of teeth will. Maybe Bill had figured out a way to glamour her.

"The fuck are you all talking about." The group looks over and see Tara has come over the natives are getting restless.

"The wedding Clark and Sookie can't remember." Arlene said as Clark, Sookie and the Bellefleurs collectively face palm.

"You two got married." Tara blurted out loud enough for the entire bar to hear.

Sam comes over "Congratulations you two."

"Um Sam" Tara points at Terry and Arlene "They didn't" She points to Clark and Sookie "They did."

"Well I don't see any rings." Sam objects

Sookie shows hers and nudges Clark who shows his. Sam storms off with Sookie following in pursuit leaving Clark alone with the group of people he doesn't know.

"Hey Clark are you alright son?" Terry asked.

"All things considered I think I'm managing." Clark replied. "Still can't believe you can marry people in 5 minutes though."

"Well believe it because after you guys got married the 5 of us chipped in $2 each and had Cookie Monster made a legally ordained minister." Arlene said.

"And I take it we already sent a copy of the certificate out." Clark asked

Terry just nodded.

"Clark get out and find your wife, everyone else get the fuck back to work." Tara ordered.

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><p>Later on they were back at Sookie's house facing what they thought would be an easy choice. At best they had fuzzy memories of the wedding or even their wedding night. Yet neither of them could talk about an annulment.<p>

"So is your friend going to be ok?" Clark asked.

"Sam will be fine." Sookie answered but noticing the deflection. "Clark what are we going to do about this?"

"I have no idea. I was always raised to believe that marriage is sacred ceremony between a man and woman who love each other. Now you seem like a wonderful woman but."

"It's ok Clark I'd be freaked out if you were already." Sookie answered. "So the A word then."

"I don't know at the same time I actually think I want to try to give this a shot before we just throw it away, well if you do anyway. Wouldn't blame you if you didn't especially after what I just went through."

"I feel the exact same F-ed up way." Sookie replied. "So how about we stay together for now and in a while we'll see if anything's changed or I get frustrated and throw you out to the curb."

The 2 agreed and spent the rest of the afternoon arranging it so Sookie would stay in her Gram's room. And Clark would live in Jason's old room. The sun was coming down and Sookie was getting ready for her night shift. Clark was going to make her dinner when a blur came through the door and grabbed him by the throat.

"What have you done to Sookeh?"

Clark just nudged his hands and the man crashed into the ceiling. The new blur got up and two fangs shot out of his mouth and said. "Don't fight me."

"You started it." Clark answered.

Surprised that didn't work the vampire charged him again and Clark threw him out the window. The vampire came in again and this time Sookie ran down the steps.

"Bill Compton I revoke your invitation."

At these words the vampire goes flying out the front door. And Sookie checks up on Clark she knew this would happen. "You OK."

"I'm fine." Clark answered not really ever being in any danger.

* * *

><p>Sookie went out to confront Bill. "What the hell was that?"<p>

"He forced himself on you." Bill answered.

"It was consensual." Sookie replied.

"Why?" Bill asked.

"No idea." Sookie said. "But if you need a reason how about he didn't make me an accomplice to my uncle's murder."

"He hurt you." Bill said defending himself.

"And I never asked you to hurt him back." Sookie said.

Bill's face darkened. "You realize he is not human Sookeh."

Sookie nodded. "Yeah it became obvious when I couldn't read him. Now unless you have something to say or proof that Clark is evil it's time for you to go."

Bill disappeared in a blur. Sookie went back to the house.

"Is everything alright?" Clark asked.

"Yeah, look I'm going to get Arlene to cover for me at work." Sookie answered.

"Why?" Clark asked.

"Because I want to get to know you better." Sookie answered. "Let's go get some drinks." Sookie said as Clark's eyes shot out. "Soda, just soda"

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><p>The two left her house and got in her car driving off being watched by an unseen person or in this case fairy. Claudine smiled seeing the two drive off as her plan had worked. If there is anyone who can protect her fey child's light from the vampires it would be the star child.<p>

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><p>Author's note<p>

I was debating between continuing this or doing Red Pride and making this a one shot. Red Pride won so I added the bit with Claudine.


End file.
